BG is wonderful, she tidied up the boys bedroom, MO mentioned to me that I hadn’t cleaned it for a while (Dad or I usually tidy it while SB is having his quiet time) we haven’t been able to for the 2 nights and he was getting uptight about the couple of batman things out of his wardrobe, BG bless decided she would tidy it up. She didn’t have to but she wanted to. I think she knows we are struggling at the moment, but she is looking forward to her treat next week, just a day in London with me hopefully it will be something she will really enjoy and make her feel special.
So I have officially asked my HR department at work if I can extend my maternity to the full 12 months and if I can go back to work part time. I would prefer to have a job closer to home but if I can fit my current work round MO and BBGs appointments and needs then this is the next best answer. Not sure how we are going to make the last 3 un paid months but it is what is needed for the family. Hopefully it means I can leave at 9am after BBGs morning physiotherapy and get back by 5 so that MOs night routine doesn’t get mucked up 2 days a week and then do a half day on Friday. Hopefully my work agrees as this would mean I can still be there for all 4 kids as they are all needing so much care at the moment.
MO has had a few moments today of rage and frustration which we very quickly sorted and I have seen his little quirks more and more. He is constantly have to touch BBG, he physically has to, this would be fine but he does it when she is feeding, or she is just needing a rest. We need to figure out something for him to do when he just NEEDS to touch her…. not quite sure what but there must be something to stop the shaking and clenching of fists and the grinding of teeth. He also had boiled potatoes with chicken and veg for dinner today, the picking up of each individual item of veg is fascinating. I do not know how he has the patience to pick up every single sweetcorn one at a time and eat it. It isn’t just sweetcorn, it could be rice or spaghetti he will only eat one piece at a time. He also hasn’t had boiled potatoes for a good while, in fact I can’t remember him ever having them, well he did not like the texture at all! he took one bite and that was it, he physically couldn’t do any more, the feeling was making him feel sick. I guess boiled potatoes are a thing to put on our list of things not to touch his plate. I am so happy he has tried them though!
BBG has been extremely tired today. She did her sitting physio with Dad today but has basically slept all day. In fact she hasn’t even woken up for feeds. I have just brought a lot of material to make a couple of dresses for her. She is floppier then a doll when dressing her so it is really hard. She has normal clothes from shops but thought I may make her a couple of bits that are extra absorbent around the neck and are super easy to get on without her having to push her arms or legs through. I don’t know whether it is even possible but I will try anything to make her life comfier and mine slightly easier.I find dresses the easiest thing to have her in but then the ones which are sleeveless needs a cardigan (good luck getting one of those on her easily) and the sleeved dresses are so fiddly, so hoping to design one which is the best of both worlds…. we shall see!
I haven’t really had bad days recently. I have to admit I haven’t done the school run for what seems like forever, I just seem to freeze, don’t get me wrong the mummys are so friendly, I just feel like I have failed, I don’t even know what at but I just feel panicy even thinking about doing the school run, so then I feel like I have failed for not being able to do it and its a horrible cycle. My plan is to do one this week and give Dad a break hopefully doing one run will make me overcome whatever this is and I can start doing them again. I also am having terrible trouble sleeping, I go off to sleep fine but then can be awake for 2-4 hours during the middle of the night, sometimes I am over thinking things, sometimes I just wake for no reason… hopefully this will stop soon as I am exhausted!
Anyway I better go and feed BBG and get her into her PJs. Just for people that don’t know, I have a facebook page https://www.facebook.com/amumdoingherbest/ take a look and follow if you would like. I put photos on there and little updates when I particularly need to vent, or share some quick news.