Routine change! 

So Dad has gone away for the weekend, MO was off school as his cast was taken off and WeTogethr came over to do a follow up and see all the equipment they donated.

MO was beautifully behaved, he went upstairs and kept calm, he showed his den when he was asked and generally he was amazing. He didn’t give eye contact at all and basically refused to talk in general chit chat but he did show Zac and Theo his lights and dark den which was amazing!

We then all plodded off to mums house so that the kids could play with my brothers children. Everything was fine but MO was getting far too excited and BOOM a window got smashed! Thankfully it only went through the first glaze and didn’t break the second glaze (thank God for double glazing) but it did break it. Amazingly it was in a perfect circle! Only my OCD boy could have done that!

No one was hurt and I managed to calm him down again. After another hour or so all the kids were far to excited and so we all decided to go home.

Just before bed as MO and infact all the kids had snacked on naughty things I decided to treat them to some fruit before bed. They usually aren’t allowed anything after dinner except water so although giving a child a snack before bed doesn’t sound like a big deal for MO it is even though it’s a treat!

Last night MO was pacing for most of the night and kept waking me up. In the end I told him he could sleep on Dads side of the bed and he sort of settled.

This morning he has been screaming, scratching and kicking. He has destroyed BGs bedroom and the front room. All over the fact he wanted to watch a tv show that wasn’t on and isn’t on the planner. He was lashing out for around an hour would calm down for maybe 5 and then lash out again. Usually he revs up to a full blown meltdown and using his dark den we can calm him down quickly and before he escalates to this stage but sometimes there’s no warning in a blink of the eye he is into full blown meltdown mode no way of calming him down, no way of talking to him, his Echolalia is full blown his just screaming the same sentance again and again and again.

He has finally calmed right down. He is on dads side of the bed with his heavy blankets, his watching babies lullabys and just staring. He is calming down. Once he has been there a little while he will go into his den and fully calm down.

This won’t be the last meltdown this weekend, this won’t be the last meltdown ever… the thing is in his time of need I’m useless. I can’t touch him or hold him for comfort. I do have to sometimes hold him to keep himself safe but this also has an adverse affect on him and makes him worse but I don’t know what’s better… him hurting himself or me holding him and getting more wound up it’s like a catch 22.

I have to fight every parenting instinct I have with MO,he gets frustrated and I can’t hold him or when his calm cuddle him and that is painful. I can only encourage him and say ‘it’s ok’ and help him understand his emotions and why he acts out like this.

It’s hard to parent and know what’s best and know what’s the right way… I can only try and do what I  think is the best and I can only try and be the best possible mum to MO.

After all I love him to the moon and back and I will protect him as much as I can.

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