1 year down another lifetime to go

Yesterday we went to most kids heaven, the toy store.

We went as it’s BGs 8th birthday next week and needed to get a couple of presents to accessorise her main gift, a bike. I then realised this would be the last time we would be able to go present shopping before BBGs first birthday. So excitedly left the bike aisle and went looking around.

We found a beautiful horse and cart garden toy that would have been brilliant if she was about 2, so still feeling excited we noted this toy for next time and went on our merry way to the 1yr + section. 

We looked at awe at all the toys that were on offer, all the bright colours. We saw the push alongs, the rockers, the activity tables. I saw toys that I had brought for all the other children for their first birthday and started to reminisce.
Then it hit me, none of these toys were suitable… BBG can’t scoot, so ride ons were out, rockers again are a no no as BBG hasn’t got the strength to rock back and forth, the activity tables she can’t use unless they are on their side but this is dangerous. Every toy we picked up and got excited about, then we realised BBG couldn’t use it safely. 
I just turned away from Dad and wiped one lonely tear away. I shook my head and got myself back into birthday mood, I turned around and we got BBG 3 toys all used in physio and so we know they are appropriate for her. It doesn’t matter they haven’t got a 1year + sticker on. It just matters that she can use them. 
We got out of the toy store and I just wanted to break down. How could such a joyous trip end in me being so disheartened. I then realised actually I am lucky, a couple of months ago we were looking at our baby who just never moved. I realised how far we had actually come.
I’m sure as we start to get closer to her birthday I will have a few more dips at what ‘should’ have been. A few dips into the ‘why, what if, how did this happen’ but it will also be a time of celebration as we realise she has made it a year! 
One whole year of living and surprising us! One whole year of proving everyone wrong! We still have major issues, we are still regressing in some areas, we are still finding more things wrong, but she is still here! We don’t know how many birthdays we have left, whether it’s only a few or a lifetime so I will make sure each year is a massive celebratation as it’s another year of defying the predictions. 
So what if she can’t get the toys I wanted to get her, she is surrounded with so much love, at the end of the day she won’t realise she hasn’t got the right aged toys, she will probably just want the boxes 🙂 

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