Guilt at having respite 

I sat down one night and cried and realised I needed my best friend, who happens to now live in New Zealand. Dad turned round and told me to book some tickets, he would hold the house together while I go and visit family in Perth and my friend in New Zealand. I will be returning this respite and Dad has chosen to do a few long weekends away, instead of 10days straight. 

I’ve been worried about what people may think about the fact I am leaving for 10days so I decided to just write my response to all the people shaking their heads and asking ‘why’?

Caring for an autistic and a physically disabled child is emotionally and physically tiring. End of.

With everything that is happening, My hair is falling out, I have random bruises appear on me, as well as other physical signs my body is under stress. 

I am exhausted by it all. I care for BBG every day and night. As she doesn’t feed properly I have to make sure she has eaten enough throughout the day and night, along with a diary that is crazy full of appointments and work. This along with MO and he gets me up most nights to tell me one thing or another. I am absolutely shattered. 
I just need some time where I can completely reenergise, where I can sleep a full nights sleep, where I don’t have to worry about anything but me.

I need those few days to feel like Me not just Mum/wife/carer. I need those few days to reconnect with myself. 

A lot of charities help with respite care so I know I can’t be the only parent going through this anguish of exhaustion, yet I still feel immensely guilty that I am doing something for myself and not for the kids. Deep down this is for the kids as if I don’t get this break I’m going to have a mental breakdown and that is no good for anyone.

So before you judge remember the phrase about ‘walking in someone’s shoes’. If you wouldn’t need the break then that’s brilliant I completely applaud you, but don’t judge me as I do.

An everyday occurrence apparently I am better then a sofa haha

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