Mental relaxation

Today marks 1 week since I left the UK to go visit my family and my best friend down under with no kids, no husband… just me!

I love this picture of this sculpture. It is showing that home is in your heart everywhere you go.

A lot of people were confused and said they couldn’t understand why I would want to go away for 11 days without my family.

Although I do miss my family we try and do a 5 minutes FaceTime everyday, I am glad I have another 4 days before flying home.

Mentally I am exhausted, physically I am exhausted. I am just exhausted!

I could feel myself being dragged into a depression that I can’t afford to be in. I have depression and I monitor this, however this dark place I could feel myself getting into was a state where I don’t think I could have got out of. I was scared and so we decided to book a holiday as something to look forward to. To completely relax with no pressure, to be around the love of family and my bestie and not have to worry about anything.

Having depression sucks, having a child with autism is hard, and having a child where last year we were told not to look for schools was downright crippling. No one unless you have been in my situation can understand what that mental toll does to you.

No one knows how debilitating it is always having that in the back of your head. Always having to answer the questions about my kids and how their doing.

So I have taken a break. In June we are going on a big family holiday and then we will book my husband some time away.

You can’t care for people when you need help.

Being away even this first 7 days, even with jet lag, has been the most relaxing experience. I’ve done what I’ve wanted to do not worrying about if it’s child safe, whether it will over stimulate MO. This has been amazing.

In fact it’s 3pm here in Auckland and I’m about to have a wonderful bubble bath because I can.

I know not everyone can do this, I understand I have a brilliant support network, but I am so glad I could do this and I think every other year I will make a point of doing a holiday for myself (switching years so hubby can go off to). Australia is cheaper then going to Spain for me due to staying with family but I’d quite happily rent a caravan in Cornwall.

Not everyone will need this and I salute those carers. But for me this is needed.

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